When it comes to exercise, we’ve all heard the phrase “No pain, no gain.”
We Over 50’s know it’s important to engage in some level of exercise, though at this point we’re even less inclined to endure a lot of pain then we were way back when.
But what if we could get the benefits of exercise, with just a a bit of pain? Like seven minutes worth? Would you do it?
In late April, I offered DivorcedOver50.com users a survey built around two simple questions: What are the best things about being a divorced person over 50, and what are the worst?
Here’s a link to the survey, if you want to check it out or take it.
Not surprisingly, the overwhelming winner for best was “freedom.” And the most common answer for worst was “loneliness.”
I wrote a piece for Huffington Post discussing the loneliness aspect, aimed at the Di-Curious. The premise is that loneliness can be attacked and overcome. And that a Di-Curious person, weighing his or her options, should not be scared off from Divorce due to that specific fear.
For the Divorced Over 50 community, that decision has already been made, whether by you, your ex-spouse, or mutual agreement. Because such a large percentage (including many who wanted the divorce or whose split was mutual) are facing loneliness, it’s important to discuss it on these pages as well.
So what are your thoughts about yoga?
Kinda “hippy-dippy?” Something exotic, out there, and only practiced by much younger people?
The fact is that yoga can be of tremendous benefit to people Over 50, as it improves health, eases pain, and improves balance. And because yoga has also been shown to elevate mood, reduce stress, and make you happier, it sounds perfect for anyone going through, or recovering from, a Divorce Over 50.
Clearly, sex and intimacy are important parts of any relationship.
For Divorced Over 50’s who may be ready to explore new situations, these issues can unfortunately be a source of stress. Our bodies have changed from when we last dated. Age, illness, and surgery can affect both men and women, with women adding menopause to their list.
As a relationship moves forward, it’s important to have open, honest communication with your potential partner about what will, and won’t work for you.
If you’re typical of most Divorced Over 50’s, your ex-spouse was in your life for twenty years, thirty years, or maybe even more.
A chunk of those years may not have been particularly happy. You may have really wanted your Divorce, and are glad to be out. Still, you don’t just instantly “get over” your spouse, someone you once loved and who’s played such a large role in your life for multiple decades.
On the other side, there are plenty of DO50’s who wanted to stay in their marriage. They’re not happy about their Divorce, feeling left behind. For them, moving on from their ex can be more painful and difficult.
And then there are all of those situations in between the two extremes.
Getting over your ex is a vital part of the Revive Stage as you move through your Divorce Over 50.
But the question is, just how do you do that?
Do you feel like a failure because you got Divorced?
Many people do. But when you think about it, does that really make sense? Over 50% of the adult population will Divorce. Is it really fair to define a majority result as failure? Over half of Americans will get heart disease — are they all failures?
Still, the notion about Divorce persists in society, and adds even more to the pain of going through one.
Well, we may not be able to change society’s view, but we can change our own.
Everyone familiar with Kegel exercises?
As you likely know, doing Kegels helps maintain pelvic muscle fitness, which is good for bladder and bowel control, as well as sexual function.
But here are two things you may not know: (1) There is actually an organization called the National Association for Continence, and (2) said organization has determined that 40 percent of women are doing their Kegels incorrectly.
We all know that going through a Divorce is an incredibly stressful time.
Your emotions can range from white hot anger to the depths of despair. You have so much to deal with, yet it can feel like there’s barely time to breathe.
You’ve heard that meditation can be helpful, but there’s no way you’ve got an hour to sit cross-legged on a pillow chanting “ooooommmm.”
Whether you wanted your Divorce or not, whether you or your ex drove the process, you likely feel some guilt over the fact it happened. It wasn’t the plan. You feel you let down your kids, your family, your friends.
Guilt just is a part of the Divorce process. The question is, how are you going to deal with it?
If you’ve spent any time at all looking over this site, you’re well aware of our philosophy regarding a Divorce Over 50:
“It wasn’t the plan, and it isn’t ideal, but my Divorce Over 50 let me hit the reset button, be the person I want to be, and now I’ve moved forward into a bright, exciting future.”
Of course, there’s no requirement to make changes after your Divorce. Maybe you’re perfectly happy with who you are, what you do, and how you live. As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
But many Divorced Over 50’s will want to make some changes. Which brings up an obvious, but no less important, question: How do you go about reinventing yourself?