Some couples go through a Divorce Over 50 and are able to stay quite amicable. Occasionally you even hear about a couple that gets along beautifully after their Divorce, functioning better as friends than they did as spouses.
Others, however, want nothing to do with their ex once the Divorce is final, preferring to never set eyes upon him or her again. That might be possible if the couple never had children, but once kids are involved, the see-no-ex approach becomes almost impossible. Events such as a graduation, wedding, or the birth of a grandchild mean the formerly married partners will be thrown together, no matter how much one or both don’t want it.
And if one or both spouses still have anger, bitterness, or other negative feelings toward the other, it’s going to be an uncomfortable situation. The question becomes, will it be uncomfortable for just the parents, or will it affect the child as well?
Remember that book from back when we were so much younger, The Joy of Sex? Published in 1972, it seemed incredibly explicit for a mainstream book, which is probably why it spent 70 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List and has sold over 12 million copies. I’ll admit to looking through my parents’ copy, and I’m confident a whole bunch of you did the same.
A lot’s changed since those days, as significantly more explicit material (remember the book’s simple sketches of that very normal looking couple?) is just a click or two away. Much of the current stuff, however, is more about titillation (and another four-syllable word that ends with “…tion”) than instruction.
Back at the end of April, I offered Divorced Over 50 users a quick survey. It asked respondents their gender and how long they’ve been divorced, and then presented two open ended questions: “What are the BEST things about being a divorced person over 50,” and “What are the WORST things about being a divorced person over 50.”
I summarized the responses into an article which started running at Huffington Post on May 4th. The article was aimed at those who are Divorce Curious, or Di-Curious as we call them around here. And its point was to offer additional information to that Di-Curious man or woman, hopefully helping him or her better understand how life may go if they choose divorce, or one is forced on them.
For the users of this site who are already divorced, I thought you might be interested to compare your experiences to the survey results. And for you Di-Curious who missed the article on Huffington, here’s a look at what you may experience if it comes to a Divorce Over 50. (A quick note — the HP article offered readers a chance to take the survey, too, so many additional responses have come in and are reflected in what follows…)
You’re in your fifties, married around 25 years, with kids recently launched. Over the past few years, while those children were becoming more self-sufficient, you were able to shift attention back to your spouse. Which led to a realization: You are really not happy in your marriage. It has not gone the way you wanted. And the idea of spending thirty more years with your spouse is not one you relish.
But then again, if you do get divorced, there are no guarantees about the future. It’s a scary world out there. Dating again, at your age? With some body parts that don’t look, and others that don’t function, like they used to? What if you never find someone, and end up alone? Maybe you’re better off just staying with what you know rather than striking out into uncharted territory.
Deborah Copaken is a best-selling author whose work has appeared in the New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, and other leading publications. Writing for The Mid, she addresses dating at our age, answering the questions she hears so often from her married friends. Topics include how she finds dates, what she does on the dates, and, of course, sex.
Beyond the nuts-and-bolts, though, she expresses her philosophy about relations, love, and marriage with tremendous clarity, maturity, and honesty. This piece is not only perfect for our Di-Curious (Divorce Curious) users, it’s extremely valuable to any single person Over 50. In fact, in the long and illustrious life of Divorced Over 50 (two and a half weeks!), Deborah’s piece is the first to be declared a Must Read.
Wanted to mix it up with a video about dating Over 50. And frankly, most of what’s out there is very amateurish, people just talking into the camera, not making a whole lot of sense, losing track of where they are in their list of points, even getting interrupted by barking dogs.
This video from 2ndAct.tv is a very well done, professional piece. It features a few men talking with an interviewer about what they’re looking for, and a group of women discussing their experiences with a (male) therapist. It’s worth the six minutes or so to take a look (and you won’t need your reading glasses!).
To me, one of the hardest parts about being divorced is spending so much time alone. I know some people
love it; they don’t have to deal with anyone else, they can sit around in their underwear, they can unleash their bodily functions as the need strikes…
An easy solution, of course, is to get out of the house and do something. But a lot of people choose not to go by themselves, whether to a movie, a museum, out to eat, etc. They believe the activity won’t be as much fun if done solo, and also fear being seen by others as loners with few friends.
From the Ann Brenhoff of the Huffington Post, 25 Dating Turn Offs that come up when you’re Over 50. Can’t say any of these ever happened to me, and am proud to say I never committed any of these faux pas, either. (I actually checked, and the plural of “faux pas” is spelled the same as the singular. If you were saying it, though, singular is pronounced foh-PAH, while the plural is pronounced foh-PAHZ — see all the great info you get on this site?)
Regardless, it’s a cute, short piece, so check it out. Have you committed one of these? Or had one happen to you? Please discuss in the Comments on the next page by clicking Read More…
Had dinner with my friend Andy last night. He’s in his sixties, looks and acts much younger. Widowed a few years ago, Andy’s begun dating, so we always compare notes. In fact, via Match.com, he was in touch with the same woman who had emailed me she looked great naked, but turns out neither one of us got the chance to confirm her opinion.
Passing by a CVS on the way to eat, Andy mentioned how awkward he feels going into a drug store to buy condoms. With all the choices available now, you need to carefully study the various packs, but the longer you stand there fondling the merchandise, the more embarrassing it is. Of course, as teenagers, having to ask the pharmacist for a pack was pretty embarrassing, too. Anyone else remember a particularly funny scene in the 1971 film, “Summer of ’42”?
To me, the easiest solution is to buy them on amazon. Read all the info on all the styles, read the reviews, make an informed decision from the comfort and privacy of your home.
Click below and use the comments section to tell us your condom stories, and your suggestions for buying them. And ladies, do you buy them, too? Please share on the next page…
Did you end up with the house in your Divorce settlement? Though it may not turn out as badly as it did for a very young Shelley Long and Tom Hanks (above), Investopedia suggests you think very hard about whether it makes financial sense to hold on to it. This article may be of more value to someone in the process of Divorcing, or who’s considering it, but it’s still worth a glance even if your Divorce is long since settled. Hit the READ MORE button to comment on the financial challenges you’ve faced, and successes you’ve achieved…