How to Tell Your Spouse It’s Over

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If you’re Di-Curious, have you thought about how you’ll tell your husband or wife you want out, if in fact you decide to Divorce?

And for those who’ve already been through it, how’d you handle the situation, whether you were the giver or receiver of the news? Did that initial statement/conversation get your process off to a reasonable start, or did it dial up the anger and set a negative tone that lasted the entire process? 

Casual Sex: Here Are Some Do’s and Don’ts

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Most Divorced Over 50’s report that their sex life during marriage, particularly toward the end of it, was extremely lacking. In fact, several of the interviewees for Gray Divorce Stories acknowledged going years without having any sex as their marriages fell apart.

Then, when DO50’s are first out of their marriage, the focus is just trying to keep their head above water while battling through the Survive Phase — sex may be among the furthest things from their minds. As life gets better, however, and they move into Revive, an interest in sex may come back. The problem, though, is that many people aren’t ready to get into a committed relationship that will lead to sex. So what to do?

How about casual sex?

What’s on Your Post Divorce Bucket List?

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Did you make a Bucket List after your Divorce?

That probably wasn’t a priority during the early, Survive Phase of your process. But as you began (or will begin) to Revive, creating a Bucket List could be an important, and valuable, exercise. Just the act of looking forward to a brighter future, and setting some goals within that future, could help you Thrive sooner. Even if you eventually only check off a few of the goals, you’ll still be so much better off.

Sex and the Single Woman Over 50

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If you ask a man over 50 for the first word that pops into his head when you say “sex,” he’d very likely answer with something like Yes, Now, Please, or More. It wouldn’t matter if he was single, happily married, or unhappily married – most men would have that positive, or at least hopeful, reaction.

But what if you asked an over 50 woman the same thing?

For a plenty of married woman beyond 50 — those who are in that standard, three or more decade long relationship — their first word just might be “obligation.” As in, my husband expects it, I don’t really want it, but I’ll submit occasionally, in hopes of keeping him happy. Or getting him to mow the lawn.

And for unhappily married women past 50, their word is probably something along the lines of No, Nope, Nah-ah, or Fugetaboutit.

But what if you asked a divorced woman over 50 for the first word that pops into her head? Well, there’s an excellent chance that word is “Yahoo!”

How do I, a divorced man over 50, know this?

Hours and hours of intimate contact with almost two dozen divorced women over 50.

Over 50 and Radiant

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Jackie Pilossoph is a newspaper columnist and creator of the Divorced Girl Smiling Blog. We’ve linked to her in the past (So Why Did You Get Divorced?), and are happy to do it again with this piece from the Chicago Tribune, “Women Over 50 Have Radiance in Abundance.” 

The heart of her column concerns a letter she got from a 53 year old man whose 23 year marriage had ended in 2010. It’s basically a rave about women who are of a similar age. The writer says the women know what they want in a relationship. They’re dedicated to making the next part of their life amazing. They’re alive, and revel in the freedom of being single. And he suggests these women just get out and enjoy life, as their natural radiance will be more than enough to attract a real man.

The Right Way to Say “I’m Sorry”

Remember that old catchphrase from the seventies, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”?

Whether it’s true or not, Divorce very often means you, or your ex, really should be saying you’re sorry. But just uttering those words is not enough. To really do its job, the apology needs to be offered correctly. So what’s the proper etiquette for saying you’re sorry?

Rebound Romance — Might It Make Sense?

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Most relationship experts would tell newly Divorced people to take some time for themselves, and steer clear of any sort of rebound romance right after their split.

In this site’s Roadmap Through a Divorce Over 50, we talk about three steps — Survive, Revive, and Thrive — with new romance being part of the Thrive phase. Though we also say there’s no set time frame for moving through the phases, and that not every step has to be done in a specific order, the feeling here is that a new relationship should probably come later in the process, after working on oneself (which is not to say a new romance is expected or necessary — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not pursuing it again, and no one should feel pressured to do so).