Remember that book from back when we were so much younger, The Joy of Sex? Published in 1972, it seemed incredibly explicit for a mainstream book, which is probably why it spent 70 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List and has sold over 12 million copies. I’ll admit to looking through my parents’ copy, and I’m confident a whole bunch of you did the same.
A lot’s changed since those days, as significantly more explicit material (remember the book’s simple sketches of that very normal looking couple?) is just a click or two away. Much of the current stuff, however, is more about titillation (and another four-syllable word that ends with “…tion”) than instruction.
Many Divorced Over 50’s have come to embrace the new world of online dating. Whether they use a general site like Match or eHarmony, or more specific site like Our Time or Mature Singles Click, it’s clear that online dating is popular among our demographic.
But what about using a dating app? You know, like Tinder? The ones that exist only on your smart phone, and involve swiping left or right on potential dates’ pictures.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that folks Over 50 are using them as well.
If you’ve thought about going that way, here’s an article comparing ten of those currently available. One is particularly intriguing for Divorced Over 50’s — it’s called Divorce Force, and offers articles on Divorce, Divorce news, and Divorce forums, plus more. But check out the full line up offered here. And if you try any of them out, and feel like reporting back, we’d love to hear about your experiences.
I have believed, and written, that it’s best to be honest when putting together your online dating profile.
My thinking has been, if your primary online photo is ten years old, all you’re going to do is disappoint your date when you meet in person. Same thing if you’ve exaggerated or under-reported your height or weight. My belief has been that there’s no recovering from that initial deception.
Clearly, sex and intimacy are important parts of any relationship.
For Divorced Over 50’s who may be ready to explore new situations, these issues can unfortunately be a source of stress. Our bodies have changed from when we last dated. Age, illness, and surgery can affect both men and women, with women adding menopause to their list.
As a relationship moves forward, it’s important to have open, honest communication with your potential partner about what will, and won’t work for you.
This past August, I posted a piece entitled “Dating as a Teenager vs. Dating as an Over 50.” You can read it here on the site, or see what it looked like on Huffington Post. The article explored what men said, thought, and worried about way back in their teens compared to now in middle age. It offered no great insights; it was just written for fun…
In discussion with my mid-20s son Daniel, we came up with a twist on that premise: When it comes to dating and romance now, what differences would a single dad in his 50s encounter compared to his single son in his 20s? In other words, how might it go when a dad and his son sit down to openly compare notes about what’s happening with the women in their lives?
Again, just written for fun. And ladies, feel free to weigh in with some commentary between a single mom and her daughter. But here’s our look at a father/son back-and-forth:
Son: She thinks we’re exclusive, and wants me off Tinder.
Dad: She thinks we’re exclusive, and wants me off carbs.
The conventional wisdom says that when it comes to sex, men respond to visual stimulation, while women need an emotional connection.
Guys are shallow, they want it all the time — give ’em one flash of cleavage and boom, they’re ready to go! On the other hand, women are deeper; they insist on feeling connected, embraced, even loved before they can respond sexually.
You’ve heard stuff like that, right? The woman doesn’t want it, so it’s up to the man to seduce her.
Maybe you experienced that when dating back in your twenties. Perhaps it was even true during your marriage.
But how about now, as a Divorced Over 50? In our situation, does that old way of thinking hold up?
We recently highlighted a piece by Robin Korth about the difficulties she experiences in having sex as a postmenopausal woman in her sixties. Interestingly and admirably, she found the positive in her situation, discovering that it’s led to deeper, more honest relationships.
Erica Jagger (a pen name, and a good one…), who runs the A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age blog, wrote a piece concerning Korth’s article. Jagger was pleased to note she had not experienced any of the problems that Korth had — until she realized she hadn’t gone through menopause yet. Uh-oh.