Dating After a Divorce Over 50 (Video)

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Are you ready to start dating? Many Divorced Over 50’s resume dating at some point, though others do not — it’s a personal choice, and you should never feel pressured to date if you don’t want to.

Getting back into dating in your 50’s (or more) can seem daunting. So much has changed. And then, with the natural negativity so many feel after a Divorce, the thought may seem even more scary.

Male Sexuality Over 50 — Somewhat Complicated, Too

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Last post was about female sexuality Over 50; now it’s the guys’ turn. And just as the post regarding women contained information relevant to men, this one should be of interest to the ladies, too.

So let’s start with a few things we know about male sexuality when it comes to us Boomers: Impotence is to be expected, libido diminishes, and sex can actually be dangerous. Right?

No. Wrong! Those are myths, and none of them are true.

This piece from MaleHealthCenter. com says that research shows nearly all men (and the majority of women) retain an interest in sex between the ages of 50 and 80. And that even if response isn’t what it once was, simply recognizing it takes longer to get aroused is often the “cure” for erectile dysfunction. In other words, before seeking a medical solution, try simple communication with your partner, letting her know that you need a lot of foreplay, too.

The article says that great sex is the result of knowing, understanding, and caring for your partner. It offers a few recommendations for creating the solid bond that leads to fulfilling sex, including:

  • Be generous with your compliments, letting her know how attractive she is
  • Try alternatives to penetration, as there’s plenty of pleasure to be had other than intercourse
  • Communicate what you like, and ask her what works for her
  • Avoid monotony by trying new locations and times of the day

Aimed at males Over 50, our friends at AARP offer “Six Ways to Make Lovemaking Great.” Its main take-away is that men don’t give their partners an orgasm; rather, it’s the man’s role to create the right context that allows the woman to have one (or more). And to help create those comfortable conditions, men should…

  • Recognize most women require more than intercourse to climax
  • Treat her entire body as an erogenous zone, not just a few specific areas
  • Slow down, spending lots of time on the warm-up (which, as mentioned above, is important for men, too)
  • Have lubricant available
  • Mix it up and try something new (also mentioned above)
  • Be open to including a vibrator in the love-making if the woman wants it

And to close this out, the online dating site Zoosk.com offers “What 50 Year Old Men Want in Bed.”  Some of the suggestions aimed at women are similar to previous advise for men (be communicative, be spontaneous, take your time), but a few others haven’t been touched on before.

Female Sexuality Over 50 – It Can Be Complicated

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As we all know, human sexuality can be complicated. Then, when you’re Over 50, it can get additionally complicated. And for women Over 50, due to both societal factors and their own physiology, it can become more complicated still.

Though plenty of mature Divorced women are finding their sexuality reignited (see our January post “Sex and the Single Woman Over 50”), that isn’t always the case. Both the “mind” and the “body” issues that come into play Over 50 can have a negative effect. 

Casual Sex: Here Are Some Do’s and Don’ts

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Most Divorced Over 50’s report that their sex life during marriage, particularly toward the end of it, was extremely lacking. In fact, several of the interviewees for Gray Divorce Stories acknowledged going years without having any sex as their marriages fell apart.

Then, when DO50’s are first out of their marriage, the focus is just trying to keep their head above water while battling through the Survive Phase — sex may be among the furthest things from their minds. As life gets better, however, and they move into Revive, an interest in sex may come back. The problem, though, is that many people aren’t ready to get into a committed relationship that will lead to sex. So what to do?

How about casual sex?

Over 50 and Radiant

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Jackie Pilossoph is a newspaper columnist and creator of the Divorced Girl Smiling Blog. We’ve linked to her in the past (So Why Did You Get Divorced?), and are happy to do it again with this piece from the Chicago Tribune, “Women Over 50 Have Radiance in Abundance.” 

The heart of her column concerns a letter she got from a 53 year old man whose 23 year marriage had ended in 2010. It’s basically a rave about women who are of a similar age. The writer says the women know what they want in a relationship. They’re dedicated to making the next part of their life amazing. They’re alive, and revel in the freedom of being single. And he suggests these women just get out and enjoy life, as their natural radiance will be more than enough to attract a real man.

Tips For First Date Conversation

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For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time they had to make first date conversation was the Reagan Administration.

“I don’t know, I think ‘Big’ was kinda overrated. And come on, Tom Hanks — that guy’s not a movie star.”

If you’re back on the dating circuit, or think you may be at some point in the future, it’s only natural to have some anxiety about what to say to a new person during that initial date. Luckily, Time Magazine has offered up “5 Things Research Says You Should Talk About” on a first date. 

Sex and the Single Woman Over 50

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If you ask a man over 50 for the first word that pops into his head when you say “sex,” he’d very likely answer with something like Yes, Now, Please, or More. It wouldn’t matter if he was single, happily married, or unhappily married – most men would have that positive, or at least hopeful, reaction.

But what if you asked an over 50 woman the same thing?

For a plenty of married woman beyond 50 — those who are in that standard, three or more decade long relationship — their first word just might be “obligation.” As in, my husband expects it, I don’t really want it, but I’ll submit occasionally, in hopes of keeping him happy. Or getting him to mow the lawn.

And for unhappily married women past 50, their word is probably something along the lines of No, Nope, Nah-ah, or Fugetaboutit.

But what if you asked a divorced woman over 50 for the first word that pops into her head? Well, there’s an excellent chance that word is “Yahoo!”

How do I, a divorced man over 50, know this?

Hours and hours of intimate contact with almost two dozen divorced women over 50.

Rebound Romance — Might It Make Sense?

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Most relationship experts would tell newly Divorced people to take some time for themselves, and steer clear of any sort of rebound romance right after their split.

In this site’s Roadmap Through a Divorce Over 50, we talk about three steps — Survive, Revive, and Thrive — with new romance being part of the Thrive phase. Though we also say there’s no set time frame for moving through the phases, and that not every step has to be done in a specific order, the feeling here is that a new relationship should probably come later in the process, after working on oneself (which is not to say a new romance is expected or necessary — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not pursuing it again, and no one should feel pressured to do so).

Tips For Online Dating Safety and Success

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Are you ready to try dating again? If you are, there’s good news and bad news.

The good news: it’s so much easier now than it was three decades ago. Online dating has increased the pool of potential dates exponentially. Before, you had to either be set up by friends or family, or meet the person in real life, perhaps at work, the gym,  or a bar. Now, via online dating, you can find people of interest right there on your computer screen or smart phone. Contacting them couldn’t be easier, and any old taboos against women making the first move have disappeared.

But the bad news: you know very little about those potential dates, and have to be really careful.

Valentine’s Day When You’re Divorced Over 50

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Valentine’s Day is upon us. How does that make you feel?

For many Divorced Over 50’s, particularly those at the very start of their process, February 14th can be a painful time. It can seem quite strange to be alone on a day that’s all about being part of a loving couple. Although, for those who endured a long, difficult marriage and are happy to be out, their first single V.D. can be a relief, as they no longer have to pretend there’s something to celebrate.