For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time they had to make first date conversation was the Reagan Administration.
“I don’t know, I think ‘Big’ was kinda overrated. And come on, Tom Hanks — that guy’s not a movie star.”
If you’re back on the dating circuit, or think you may be at some point in the future, it’s only natural to have some anxiety about what to say to a new person during that initial date. Luckily, Time Magazine has offered up “5 Things Research Says You Should Talk About” on a first date.
Most relationship experts would tell newly Divorced people to take some time for themselves, and steer clear of any sort of rebound romance right after their split.
In this site’s Roadmap Through a Divorce Over 50, we talk about three steps — Survive, Revive, and Thrive — with new romance being part of the Thrive phase. Though we also say there’s no set time frame for moving through the phases, and that not every step has to be done in a specific order, the feeling here is that a new relationship should probably come later in the process, after working on oneself (which is not to say a new romance is expected or necessary — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not pursuing it again, and no one should feel pressured to do so).
Are you ready to try dating again? If you are, there’s good news and bad news.
The good news: it’s so much easier now than it was three decades ago. Online dating has increased the pool of potential dates exponentially. Before, you had to either be set up by friends or family, or meet the person in real life, perhaps at work, the gym, or a bar. Now, via online dating, you can find people of interest right there on your computer screen or smart phone. Contacting them couldn’t be easier, and any old taboos against women making the first move have disappeared.
But the bad news: you know very little about those potential dates, and have to be really careful.
Valentine’s Day is upon us. How does that make you feel?
For many Divorced Over 50’s, particularly those at the very start of their process, February 14th can be a painful time. It can seem quite strange to be alone on a day that’s all about being part of a loving couple. Although, for those who endured a long, difficult marriage and are happy to be out, their first single V.D. can be a relief, as they no longer have to pretend there’s something to celebrate.
If you ask a man over 50 for the first word that pops into his head when you say “sex,” he’d very likely answer with something like Yes, Now, Please, or More. It wouldn’t matter if he was single, happily married, or unhappily married – most men would have that positive, or at least hopeful, reaction.
But what if you asked an over 50 woman the same thing?
For a plenty of married woman beyond 50 — those who are in that standard, three or more decade long relationship — their first word just might be “obligation.” As in, my husband expects it, I don’t really want it, but I’ll submit occasionally, in hopes of keeping him happy. Or getting him to mow the lawn.
And for unhappily married women past 50, their word is probably something along the lines of No, Nope, Nah-ah, or Fugetaboutit.
But what if you asked a divorced woman over 50 for the first word that pops into her head? Well, there’s an excellent chance that word is “Yahoo!”
How do I, a divorced man over 50, know this?
Hours and hours of intimate contact with almost two dozen divorced women over 50.
Technology has changed so many aspects of our lives, and dating is no exception.
For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time you dated involved a phone call over a land line, or perhaps a note written on a piece of lined notebook paper.
There’s no doubt that the new technology can make dating much easier, and give you many more opportunities to meet someone. But it would be a mistake to jump into that brave new world without doing some preparation.
As you’ll see in her article, she cites a number of reasons why we older guys make better lovers. These include the fact that we’re not in a hurry, we put our partner’s needs first, and we know that intercourse is not the only way to have great sex.
And it does contain lots of great advice for surviving and recovering from your Divorce. But my problem is, I don’t believe anyone would believe all 24 of the “Ridiculous Divorce Lies” that form the premise of her piece. In fact, I don’t believe that most people — no matter their marital status — would believe even half of them. And we Over 50’s, with our life experience and worldliness, would likely believe way fewer.
Seriously, at any point in your life would you have believed “All divorces are basically the same”? Or “Everyone going through a divorce goes through the same emotions in the same order”? Or how about “You should start dating right away”?
Going through a Divorce can be one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Even if you wanted your Divorce Over 50, it’s still a painful process, complete with anxiety, upset, and anger. And if you didn’t want it, it can be absolutely devastating.
But, as we say here all the time, a Divorce Over 50 may not be ideal, but it does give you a chance to hit the reset button, get back to being who you want to be, and move forward into a brighter future. And we’ve outlined three stages of a DO50 — Survive, Revive, then Thrive — and produced our free Roadmap to serve as a guide.
That’s the easy part; the hard part is actually moving forward. You don’t just start feeling better about yourself and your situation — you need to take action to create that better future.