Last post was about female sexuality Over 50; now it’s the guys’ turn. And just as the post regarding women contained information relevant to men, this one should be of interest to the ladies, too.
So let’s start with a few things we know about male sexuality when it comes to us Boomers: Impotence is to be expected, libido diminishes, and sex can actually be dangerous. Right?
No. Wrong! Those are myths, and none of them are true.
This piece from MaleHealthCenter. com says that research shows nearly all men (and the majority of women) retain an interest in sex between the ages of 50 and 80. And that even if response isn’t what it once was, simply recognizing it takes longer to get aroused is often the “cure” for erectile dysfunction. In other words, before seeking a medical solution, try simple communication with your partner, letting her know that you need a lot of foreplay, too.
The article says that great sex is the result of knowing, understanding, and caring for your partner. It offers a few recommendations for creating the solid bond that leads to fulfilling sex, including:
Be generous with your compliments, letting her know how attractive she is
Try alternatives to penetration, as there’s plenty of pleasure to be had other than intercourse
Communicate what you like, and ask her what works for her
Avoid monotony by trying new locations and times of the day
Aimed at males Over 50, our friends at AARP offer “Six Ways to Make Lovemaking Great.” Its main take-away is that men don’t give their partners an orgasm; rather, it’s the man’s role to create the right context that allows the woman to have one (or more). And to help create those comfortable conditions, men should…
Recognize most women require more than intercourse to climax
Treat her entire body as an erogenous zone, not just a few specific areas
Slow down, spending lots of time on the warm-up (which, as mentioned above, is important for men, too)
Mix it up and try something new (also mentioned above)
Be open to including a vibrator in the love-making if the woman wants it
And to close this out, the online dating site Zoosk.com offers “What 50 Year Old Men Want in Bed.” Some of the suggestions aimed at women are similar to previous advise for men (be communicative, be spontaneous, take your time), but a few others haven’t been touched on before.
If you’re Di-Curious, have you thought about how you’ll tell your husband or wife you want out, if in fact you decide to Divorce?
And for those who’ve already been through it, how’d you handle the situation, whether you were the giver or receiver of the news? Did that initial statement/conversation get your process off to a reasonable start, or did it dial up the anger and set a negative tone that lasted the entire process?
Not surprisingly, the overwhelming winner for best was “freedom.” And the most common answer for worst was “loneliness.”
I wrote a piece for Huffington Post discussing the loneliness aspect, aimed at the Di-Curious. The premise is that loneliness can be attacked and overcome. And that a Di-Curious person, weighing his or her options, should not be scared off from Divorce due to that specific fear.
For the Divorced Over 50 community, that decision has already been made, whether by you, your ex-spouse, or mutual agreement. Because such a large percentage (including many who wanted the divorce or whose split was mutual) are facing loneliness, it’s important to discuss it on these pages as well.
Many Divorced Over 50’s have come to embrace the new world of online dating. Whether they use a general site like Match or eHarmony, or more specific site like Our Time or Mature Singles Click, it’s clear that online dating is popular among our demographic.
But what about using a dating app? You know, like Tinder? The ones that exist only on your smart phone, and involve swiping left or right on potential dates’ pictures.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that folks Over 50 are using them as well.
If you’ve thought about going that way, here’s an article comparing ten of those currently available. One is particularly intriguing for Divorced Over 50’s — it’s called Divorce Force, and offers articles on Divorce, Divorce news, and Divorce forums, plus more. But check out the full line up offered here. And if you try any of them out, and feel like reporting back, we’d love to hear about your experiences.
Can you say you love your Divorce? Or that you love the idea of Divorce?
I would not in either case. I’ll go with the philosophy espoused here: Divorce is never the plan, and it’s not ideal, but it can be a positive that allows us to hit the reset button, be the person we want to be, and move forward into a better future. So maybe I’ll admit to having a crush on Divorce.
Kinda “hippy-dippy?” Something exotic, out there, and only practiced by much younger people?
The fact is that yoga can be of tremendous benefit to people Over 50, as it improves health, eases pain, and improves balance. And because yoga has also been shown to elevate mood, reduce stress, and make you happier, it sounds perfect for anyone going through, or recovering from, a Divorce Over 50.
If you’re typical of most Divorced Over 50’s, your ex-spouse was in your life for twenty years, thirty years, or maybe even more.
A chunk of those years may not have been particularly happy. You may have really wanted your Divorce, and are glad to be out. Still, you don’t just instantly “get over” your spouse, someone you once loved and who’s played such a large role in your life for multiple decades.
On the other side, there are plenty of DO50’s who wanted to stay in their marriage. They’re not happy about their Divorce, feeling left behind. For them, moving on from their ex can be more painful and difficult.
And then there are all of those situations in between the two extremes.
Getting over your ex is a vital part of the Revive Stage as you move through your Divorce Over 50.
It hurts to realize your plan for the future won’t come true. It hurts to realize your spouse is not who you thought he or she was (and maybe you aren’t, either). It hurts to leave your family home, and to divide the possessions you shared there.
Much of the pain tends to hit both men and women equally.
There is, however, a divorce aspect that’s unequal: In a gray divorce, with a marriage that lasted two decades or more, when it comes to the friends you shared as a couple, the man is going to get hurt.
Do you feel like a failure because you got Divorced?
Many people do. But when you think about it, does that really make sense? Over 50% of the adult population will Divorce. Is it really fair to define a majority result as failure? Over half of Americans will get heart disease — are they all failures?
Still, the notion about Divorce persists in society, and adds even more to the pain of going through one.
Well, we may not be able to change society’s view, but we can change our own.