Most Divorced Over 50’s report that their sex life during marriage, particularly toward the end of it, was extremely lacking. In fact, several of the interviewees for Gray Divorce Stories acknowledged going years without having any sex as their marriages fell apart.
Then, when DO50’s are first out of their marriage, the focus is just trying to keep their head above water while battling through the Survive Phase — sex may be among the furthest things from their minds. As life gets better, however, and they move into Revive, an interest in sex may come back. The problem, though, is that many people aren’t ready to get into a committed relationship that will lead to sex. So what to do?
As you’ll see in her article, she cites a number of reasons why we older guys make better lovers. These include the fact that we’re not in a hurry, we put our partner’s needs first, and we know that intercourse is not the only way to have great sex.
During the course of a long-term marriage, couples naturally reach a comfort level concerning the most private aspects of their lives. In most cases, each becomes totally fine being nude around his or her spouse; one becomes intimately acquainted with the other’s sexuality; he or she has experienced the partner being ill, with all the sneezing, coughing, nose blowing, and vomiting that entails; and they’ve likely reached a point where engaging in most bathroom activities while together is no big deal.
But what happens when someone goes through a Divorce Over 50? What’s it like for that newly single person to begin dating, develop a relationship, and start from scratch with a new partner? After perhaps three or more decades enjoying total comfort in these areas, how can he or she navigate such potentially embarrassing issues?
I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that for most men, when it comes to nudity and sex with a new woman, their excitement and desire will block out any hint of discomfort. They may wish some of their parts were bigger while others were smaller, or that there was less hair in certain areas and more definition in others, but those thoughts will be completely overwhelmed by the opportunity to roll around with someone new.
And though a percentage of women may feel insecure about their bodies as they head for bed with a new man, I’d suggest most will get through it just fine. Initially they may want lights turned off, or certain articles of clothing left on, but eventually that need will fade. (Side note from the male point-of-view: Ladies, we guys don’t care — we’re just happy to be there…)
So if it’s truly a good relationship, a high level of comfort regarding sex and nudity should be achieved easily and soon.
Remember that book from back when we were so much younger, The Joy of Sex? Published in 1972, it seemed incredibly explicit for a mainstream book, which is probably why it spent 70 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List and has sold over 12 million copies. I’ll admit to looking through my parents’ copy, and I’m confident a whole bunch of you did the same.
A lot’s changed since those days, as significantly more explicit material (remember the book’s simple sketches of that very normal looking couple?) is just a click or two away. Much of the current stuff, however, is more about titillation (and another four-syllable word that ends with “…tion”) than instruction.
Many Divorced Over 50’s have come to embrace the new world of online dating. Whether they use a general site like Match or eHarmony, or more specific site like Our Time or Mature Singles Click, it’s clear that online dating is popular among our demographic.
But what about using a dating app? You know, like Tinder? The ones that exist only on your smart phone, and involve swiping left or right on potential dates’ pictures.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that folks Over 50 are using them as well.
If you’ve thought about going that way, here’s an article comparing ten of those currently available. One is particularly intriguing for Divorced Over 50’s — it’s called Divorce Force, and offers articles on Divorce, Divorce news, and Divorce forums, plus more. But check out the full line up offered here. And if you try any of them out, and feel like reporting back, we’d love to hear about your experiences.
I have believed, and written, that it’s best to be honest when putting together your online dating profile.
My thinking has been, if your primary online photo is ten years old, all you’re going to do is disappoint your date when you meet in person. Same thing if you’ve exaggerated or under-reported your height or weight. My belief has been that there’s no recovering from that initial deception.
Clearly, sex and intimacy are important parts of any relationship.
For Divorced Over 50’s who may be ready to explore new situations, these issues can unfortunately be a source of stress. Our bodies have changed from when we last dated. Age, illness, and surgery can affect both men and women, with women adding menopause to their list.
As a relationship moves forward, it’s important to have open, honest communication with your potential partner about what will, and won’t work for you.