Yes, we have been a bit heavy with the online dating posts lately. But this is peak dating season, as we’ve just started the New Year, and have Valentine’s Day just weeks away.
So, if you’re in the Thrive phase, and you’re doing online dating, the folks at Grammarly want you to know that good grammar does count. Check out their (not “there” and not “they’re”) handy infographic for more detail.
If you’ve spent any time at all looking over this site, you’re well aware of our philosophy regarding a Divorce Over 50:
“It wasn’t the plan, and it isn’t ideal, but my Divorce Over 50 let me hit the reset button, be the person I want to be, and now I’ve moved forward into a bright, exciting future.”
Of course, there’s no requirement to make changes after your Divorce. Maybe you’re perfectly happy with who you are, what you do, and how you live. As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
But many Divorced Over 50’s will want to make some changes. Which brings up an obvious, but no less important, question: How do you go about reinventing yourself?
The conventional wisdom says that when it comes to sex, men respond to visual stimulation, while women need an emotional connection.
Guys are shallow, they want it all the time — give ’em one flash of cleavage and boom, they’re ready to go! On the other hand, women are deeper; they insist on feeling connected, embraced, even loved before they can respond sexually.
You’ve heard stuff like that, right? The woman doesn’t want it, so it’s up to the man to seduce her.
Maybe you experienced that when dating back in your twenties. Perhaps it was even true during your marriage.
But how about now, as a Divorced Over 50? In our situation, does that old way of thinking hold up?
For most of us, the Christmas/Hanukah and New Year’s holidays embody a number of traditions: Spending time with family (while trying to maintain sanity), making resolutions (which never get kept), watching college football bowl games (that are rarely very exciting).
And now, according to industry experts, there’s another seasonal tradition: It kicks off a boom in online dating.
A number of factors contribute to the uptick in online activity. Perhaps the disappointment of being alone over the holidays is inspiration. Some might even make going online a New Year’s resolution. And the cold weather may play a part — it’s only natural to want someone to stay in and cuddle up with.
So, if online dating is part of your plan, are you ready?
Have any of you Divorced Over 50 women ever said something along the lines of, “There just aren’t any great guys out there for me to date”?
Or, if you haven’t actually said it, have you thought it? It seems like a pretty widespread sentiment — the kind of thing you hear a lot. The real problem, though, is that when a woman accepts that belief and throws in the towel, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead, what if she flipped the script and took control of the situation?
If you’ve been Divorced Over 50 for awhile (whatever your definition of “awhile” might be), do you feel a pressure to start dating? Whether it’s coming from yourself, or friends, or family, are you hearing words like, “Hey, don’t you think it’s time to get back out there?”
The major theme of Divorced Over 50 is, No matter how you came to be DO50, this is your chance to hit the Reset button and move forward into a happy, fulfilling, and exciting life.
But there’s absolutely no requirement that that new life must involve a new relationship. And no requirement to “get back out there.” For some people, staying single is exactly the way they want to go.
Back when you were in your twenties, if someone had told you your sex life would be just as good, or maybe even better, in your fifties, would you have believed them?
Probably not. But for many Over 50’s, that’s actually the case.
And what about our subset, Divorced Over 50’s? I’ll go out on a limb and say a significant percentage of us are enjoying the best sex of our lives.
When you finish reading a great book, closing it up for the final time, is your first thought, “Wow, what a failure”?
Or when you take the last bite of a meal, do you consider it a fiasco just because it ended? Or walk out of a party, thank the host for a great time, and then immediately think, “That was some disaster”?
Of course not. You viewed those experiences for what they were — a period of time you spent doing something that eventually came to an end. You may have loved it, or hated it, or something in between, but it certainly wasn’t a failure.
So why is that when a marriage ends, it’s seen by society, and often the formerly married parties, as a failure?
Here’s a shocker: Older women still have sex. No, really. I know, hard to believe, right?
Yep, there’s actual proof from a doctor at the University of Pittsburgh who conducted a study of 2100 women, ranging in age from 28 to 84. It turns out that not only are they continuing to have sex, they’re actually enjoying it!
Recently I posted an article that offered Over 50’s a step-by-step guide for getting started on a full-profile online dating site. It included tips on choosing a screen name, adding pictures, and completing both the “essay” and “multiple choice” portions of their profile. It’s available here.
Now, let’s continue with the next steps after your profile has gone live.