Divorce is Not a Failure — Reframe Your Thinking

by Barry Gold
Posted on
Di-Curious

Do you feel like a failure because you got Divorced?

Many people do. But when you think about it, does that really make sense? Over 50% of the adult population will Divorce. Is it really fair to define a majority result as failure? Over half of Americans will get heart disease — are they all failures?

Still, the notion about Divorce persists in society, and adds even more to the pain of going through one.

Well, we may not be able to change society’s view, but we can change our own.

Did you stay in a bad marriage out of fear?

And was one of those fears a concern about being alone? Were you worried that you would never find love again?

Or, if you’re Di-Curious and still in your troubled marriage, is that one of the issues holding you back from getting out?

There’s no denying that that particular fear is real, and it’s scary. But we all have the power to overcome it by doing one thing: changing our attitude.

If you’ve spent any time at all looking over this site, you’re well aware of our philosophy regarding a Divorce Over 50:

“It wasn’t the plan, and it isn’t ideal, but my Divorce Over 50 let me hit the reset button, be the person I want to be, and now I’ve moved forward into a bright, exciting future.”

Of course, there’s no requirement to make changes after your Divorce. Maybe you’re perfectly happy with who you are, what you do, and how you live. As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

But many Divorced Over 50’s will want to make some changes. Which brings up an obvious, but no less important, question: How do you go about reinventing yourself?

For most of us, the Christmas/Hanukah and New Year’s holidays embody a number of traditions: Spending time with family (while trying to maintain sanity), making resolutions (which never get kept), watching college football bowl games (that are rarely very exciting).

And now, according to industry experts, there’s another seasonal tradition: It kicks off a boom in online dating.

A number of factors contribute to the uptick in online activity. Perhaps the disappointment of being alone over the holidays is inspiration. Some might even make going online a New Year’s resolution. And the cold weather may play a part — it’s only natural to want someone to stay in and cuddle up with.

So, if online dating is part of your plan, are you ready?

Have any of you Divorced Over 50 women ever said something along the lines of, “There just aren’t any great guys out there for me to date”?

Or, if you haven’t actually said it, have you thought it? It seems like a pretty widespread sentiment — the kind of thing you hear a lot. The real problem, though, is that when a woman accepts that belief and throws in the towel, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, what if she flipped the script and took control of the situation?

by Barry Gold
Posted on
Di-Curious

If your Divorce has already worked its way through the court system, this post won’t do you much good (though it will have info you can pass along to others, or keep in mind if your next marriage doesn’t work out, either…)

But if you’re Divorce-Curious, still living together though someone’s leaving soon, or in the initial stages of your split, you will be faced with an important decision: File for Divorce, or start with a legal separation? Different states have different laws, so your location may affect your choices. But if you have an option, there are a number of factors you may want to consider.

by Barry Gold
Posted on
Di-Curious

We all know the reality of Divorce Over 50, because we’ve lived it.

We know that you can reach a point in a long marriage where you say, “This is not the way I want to live.” Or you have to decide, “Do I really want thirty more years of this?” Or you muddled through while living parallel lives, but “when the money ran out [and you] had to face each other,” you chose to get out.

And now a lot of non-DO50’s are learning about it, too.

Recently I posted an article that offered Over 50’s a step-by-step guide for getting started on a full-profile online dating site. It included tips on choosing a screen name, adding pictures, and completing both the “essay” and “multiple choice” portions of their profile. It’s available here.

Now, let’s continue with the next steps after your profile has gone live.

Last month, I wrote a piece on the differences between what men worried about when they were dating in their teens (“Will she laugh at my peach fuzz?”) compared to their concerns when dating Over 50 (“Will she laugh at my back hair?”). You can read the other 24 here.

When it comes to overall changes in the world of dating between then and now, the very best improvement has to be online dating. Truly, it’s an historic innovation that ranks up there with the cotton gin, penicillin, and those lights in the parking garages that show you which spaces are empty.

Online dating just makes everything so simple.