You know the old saying, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Well, since we’ve all survived our Divorces Over 50, has that process made us stronger? Are we tougher, more resilient, better able to cope with the vicissitudes of life we’ll face going forward?
We recently highlighted a piece by Robin Korth about the difficulties she experiences in having sex as a postmenopausal woman in her sixties. Interestingly and admirably, she found the positive in her situation, discovering that it’s led to deeper, more honest relationships.
Erica Jagger (a pen name, and a good one…), who runs the A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age blog, wrote a piece concerning Korth’s article. Jagger was pleased to note she had not experienced any of the problems that Korth had — until she realized she hadn’t gone through menopause yet. Uh-oh.
We know there’s such thing as Gray Divorce (the mainstream term for Divorce Over 50) because we’re living it. And the media has caught on, paying it a bit of attention. But did you know there’s a whole book about it?
When we were kids, it seemed like there was a shame about getting Divorced. Those going through it felt like failures, and were the objects of sympathy or pity. If the neighbors’ split was discussed at your family dinner table, it was in hushed, sad tones (though your parents probably gossiped about it giddily when they were alone).
Today, Divorce has become so common — particularly in our Over 50 demographic — we almost greet the news with a “So what else is new?” attitude. But is it possible for divorcing people to not only avoid feeling shame, but to actually celebrate their divorce?
All of us Over 50’s are all too aware of the changes that occur to our bodies as we age. More pounds, less hair, crinkly eyes, creaky knees. And, oh yeah, those changes to our sex organs and their performance.
What in the world could a grandmother teach any of us about online dating? Well, if that grandma is London based journalist Monica Porter, quite a lot.
Divorce, as we all know all too well, is an extremely stressful event. You feel it as a significant loss, but the rest of the world expects you to just carry on with business as usual. There’s no time off from work, there’s no ritual where your loved ones gather to offer support. Meanwhile, you’re hit with all the burdens of divorce: the meetings, the calls, the gathering of financial records, all the decisions you have to make. Even a solid, squared-away person can become a raving lunatic.
But could understanding what’s actually happening in your brain during a divorce help you cope better?
Ah, the fix-up. The time-tested, totally analog method of finding a date. It may have led to your first marriage, your parents’ marriage, their parents’ marriage, ad infinitum. But many Over 50’s say they’re not having any luck getting fixed-up these days. Is there a way to do it better?
On-line dating has opened up a whole world of possibilities for Divorced Over 50’s looking for love. Call it the “new school” approach. As it turns out, though, many single people of our generation are having great success going old school — literally.
Back in “the good old days,” retirement happened at 65, the company gave you a gold watch and a lifetime pension, and you led a life of leisure as you ran out the clock in Florida or Palm Springs. Today, most of the Over 50’s who stop working before 65 will do so involuntarily, many of those who have a choice will work past that age, and the notion of a guaranteed company pension is about as common as a pay telephone. Making a bad situation worse, a whole host of other retirement assumptions are proving to no longer be valid.