Going Back to Work After Divorce

Lots of things change when you go through a Divorce.

In addition to ending your relationship with your spouse, you may also lose connections with friends. You may have to move into a new house or apartment. And for a significant number of people, it means going back to work.

Traditionally, it’s the formerly stay-at-home-mom who has to rejoin the working world, but it can certainly happen to men, as well.

And for Over 50’s who need to return to work after decades out of the job market, the process can be daunting.

I came across a really important, informative article about Divorce, but I’ve got a bit of a problem with it.

Let me explain.

The article is written by Dr. Karen Finn, for the website Your Tango. Its title is “24 Ridiculous Divorce Lies You Should Never EVER Believe.”

And it does contain lots of great advice for surviving and recovering from your Divorce. But my problem is, I don’t believe anyone would believe all 24 of the “Ridiculous Divorce Lies” that form the premise of her piece. In fact, I don’t believe that most people — no matter their marital status — would believe even half of them. And we Over 50’s, with our life experience and worldliness, would likely believe way fewer.

Seriously, at any point in your life would you have believed “All divorces are basically the same”? Or “Everyone going through a divorce goes through the same emotions in the same order”? Or how about “You should start dating right away”?

The three stages of a Divorce Over 50 are (as you hopefully know by now) Survive… Revive… and Thrive.

It’s in the middle stage, Revive, where you get to completely focus on yourself. Your needs, your issues, your interests, your growth, whatever you want.

And one of the best choices you can make is to improve every aspect of your health.

divorced over 50, gray divorce, online dating

Are you doing online dating? Or might you in the future?

Whether now or later, you’ll obviously want to present the best “you” you possibly can.

But can building yourself up too much, even it’s all true and verifiable, actually make you less attractive, resulting in fewer contacts from potential dates?

divorced over 50, gray divorce, pre-marital

As parents, we all want to set good examples for our children. If, for instance, they see us treating everyone we encounter with respect, chances are good they’ll do the same. Personally, I’m always gratified when one of my sons orders by asking the waiter if he can “please have the filet mignon,” and then thanks him when it arrives (perhaps not as happy when the bill comes, but whatever…).

I’m sure all of us had hoped to model marriage-lasts-a-lifetime-behavior for our kids, too, but as we know, life doesn’t always work out as we expected. In my case, their mom and I went through a basically mutual, fairly amicable split after 27 years; though it was nice to show them how to have a civilized divorce, that still wasn’t the ideal.

There was, however, a positive to be gained from the negative. I believe going through my divorce gave me insight into why the marriage was what it was, and went where it went. I’ve come to more clearly comprehend the thoughts and choices I made, and the assumptions I held, concerning getting married. And I discovered that some of them were, shall we say, less than correct.

by Barry Gold
Posted on
General

Going through a Divorce can be one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Even if you wanted your Divorce Over 50, it’s still a painful process, complete with anxiety, upset, and anger. And if you didn’t want it, it can be absolutely devastating.

But, as we say here all the time, a Divorce Over 50 may not be ideal, but it does give you a chance to hit the reset button, get back to being who you want to be, and move forward into a brighter future. And we’ve outlined three stages of a DO50 — Survive, Revive, then Thrive — and produced our free Roadmap to serve as a guide.

That’s the easy part; the hard part is actually moving forward. You don’t just start feeling better about yourself and your situation — you need to take action to create that better future.

Many Over 50’s work out to keep their bodies healthy and looking good (or, at least as good as possible). Perhaps they run, cycle, take a class, use the machines at the gym, or a combination of those methods. For those who are time-challenged, alternatives exist like the scientific 7 Minute Workout we wrote about in June.

But when it comes to our faces, and trying to keep them as healthy, youthful, and attractive as possible, many Over 50’s just assume their only choice is to see a doctor. Even those who diligently work their below-the-neck muscles believe the only hope for their face is treatments, injections, or even plastic surgery.

But what if you could regain your youthful appearance by simply exercising your facial muscles instead of seeing a doctor? Would’t that be an easier, better, and much less expensive way to go?

So how did you learn about sex when you were a kid?

Did a parent take you aside for “The Talk”? Or was it an older sibling or friend who clued you in?

And then, how did you supplement your education? Perhaps some furtive reading of your parents’ copy of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, or The Joy of Sex?

Now, as an Over 50, it’s likely you think you know it all about the topic. But here’s the thing: Our bodies have changed, and there is new information we need to take in. Has your knowledge kept up?

During the course of a long-term marriage, couples naturally reach a comfort level concerning the most private aspects of their lives. In most cases, each becomes totally fine being nude around his or her spouse; one becomes intimately acquainted with the other’s sexuality; he or she has experienced the partner being ill, with all the sneezing, coughing, nose blowing, and vomiting that entails; and they’ve likely reached a point where engaging in most bathroom activities while together is no big deal.

But what happens when someone goes through a Divorce Over 50? What’s it like for that newly single person to begin dating, develop a relationship, and start from scratch with a new partner? After perhaps three or more decades enjoying total comfort in these areas, how can he or she navigate such potentially embarrassing issues?

Remember how we used to be part of the Pepsi Generation? We were young, energetic, adventurous.

Alas, now we’ve become the Ensure Generation. Chased with shots of Metamucil.

Right?

No! WRONG!!

We are older. Gravity, the sun, and life have changed how we look. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still be attractive. And nothing, repeat nothing, can change how we feel about ourselves. Except us.

Which creates a choice. Consider yourself over the hill and washed up. Or see yourself as still active, interesting, and vital.

I’m gonna go with the latter.