If you’ve just joined the ranks of the Divorced Over 50’s, or you’re in the process of doing so, chances are excellent you feel like crap. Whether you wanted the split or not, you’re hurting. A lot. A lot of the time.
It may seem hard to believe right now, but you will get through this. And at some point, eventually, you’re going to emerge a better, stronger, happier, more secure person.
But first you have to grieve.
Many Divorced Over 50 parents have kids of college age. Which means those parents are either spending a lot of money on their children’s tuition, or are about to.
Financial aid may be available, but getting it requires the daunting task of filling out a detailed application called the Free Application for Student Financial Aid (FAFSA). For divorced parents, it gets even more complicated.
We all know the reality of Divorce Over 50, because we’ve lived it.
We know that you can reach a point in a long marriage where you say, “This is not the way I want to live.” Or you have to decide, “Do I really want thirty more years of this?” Or you muddled through while living parallel lives, but “when the money ran out [and you] had to face each other,” you chose to get out.
And now a lot of non-DO50’s are learning about it, too.
If you’ve been Divorced Over 50 for awhile (whatever your definition of “awhile” might be), do you feel a pressure to start dating? Whether it’s coming from yourself, or friends, or family, are you hearing words like, “Hey, don’t you think it’s time to get back out there?”
The major theme of Divorced Over 50 is, No matter how you came to be DO50, this is your chance to hit the Reset button and move forward into a happy, fulfilling, and exciting life.
But there’s absolutely no requirement that that new life must involve a new relationship. And no requirement to “get back out there.” For some people, staying single is exactly the way they want to go.
Back when you were in your twenties, if someone had told you your sex life would be just as good, or maybe even better, in your fifties, would you have believed them?
Probably not. But for many Over 50’s, that’s actually the case.
And what about our subset, Divorced Over 50’s? I’ll go out on a limb and say a significant percentage of us are enjoying the best sex of our lives.
Don’t you just love being a grandparent?
Is there anything more fun than spending time with the little one? Playing with them, reading to them, helping give them a bath, it doesn’t matter — whatever you do together, it’s just the best.
And another great thing: at the first cry or dirty diaper, you get to hand them back to mom or dad. As the saying goes, “All of the joys, none of the responsibilities.”
But there is one area where you probably would like to assume some responsibility:
Making sure your grandchild has financial security.
When you finish reading a great book, closing it up for the final time, is your first thought, “Wow, what a failure”?
Or when you take the last bite of a meal, do you consider it a fiasco just because it ended? Or walk out of a party, thank the host for a great time, and then immediately think, “That was some disaster”?
Of course not. You viewed those experiences for what they were — a period of time you spent doing something that eventually came to an end. You may have loved it, or hated it, or something in between, but it certainly wasn’t a failure.
So why is that when a marriage ends, it’s seen by society, and often the formerly married parties, as a failure?
Here’s a shocker: Older women still have sex. No, really. I know, hard to believe, right?
Yep, there’s actual proof from a doctor at the University of Pittsburgh who conducted a study of 2100 women, ranging in age from 28 to 84. It turns out that not only are they continuing to have sex, they’re actually enjoying it!
Recently I posted an article that offered Over 50’s a step-by-step guide for getting started on a full-profile online dating site. It included tips on choosing a screen name, adding pictures, and completing both the “essay” and “multiple choice” portions of their profile. It’s available here.
Now, let’s continue with the next steps after your profile has gone live.
Pamela Madsen is in her fifties, stands five-foot three inches tall, and describes herself as “the slightly chubby woman next door.” She further describes herself as a Sex Goddess, and says she can teach any other woman to become one, too.