Tips For First Date Conversation

For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time they had to make first date conversation was the Reagan Administration.

“I don’t know, I think ‘Big’ was kinda overrated. And come on, Tom Hanks — that guy’s not a movie star.”

If you’re back on the dating circuit, or think you may be at some point in the future, it’s only natural to have some anxiety about what to say to a new person during that initial date. Luckily, Time Magazine has offered up “5 Things Research Says You Should Talk About” on a first date.

gray divorce, divorced over 50, dating over 50

Technology has changed so many aspects of our lives, and dating is no exception.

For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time you dated involved a phone call over a land line, or perhaps a note written on a piece of lined notebook paper.

There’s no doubt that the new technology can make dating much easier, and give you many more opportunities to meet someone. But it would be a mistake to jump into that brave new world without doing some preparation.

by Barry Gold
Posted on
Di-Curious

In late April, I offered DivorcedOver50.com users a survey built around two simple questions: What are the best things about being a divorced person over 50, and what are the worst?

Here’s a link to the survey, if you want to check it out or take it.

Not surprisingly, the overwhelming winner for best was “freedom.” And the most common answer for worst was “loneliness.”

I wrote a piece for Huffington Post discussing the loneliness aspect, aimed at the Di-Curious. The premise is that loneliness can be attacked and overcome. And that a Di-Curious person, weighing his or her options, should not be scared off from Divorce due to that specific fear.

For the Divorced Over 50 community, that decision has already been made, whether by you, your ex-spouse, or mutual agreement. Because such a large percentage (including many who wanted the divorce or whose split was mutual) are facing loneliness, it’s important to discuss it on these pages as well.

Which sounds more difficult to you?

Returning to work after a long absence, or resuming dating after not doing it for twenty-five years?

In a really nifty blog post, “Divorcierge” Karen Bigman takes the lessons she learned when returning to work after being a stay-at-home mom, and applies them to getting back into the dating game when her 25 year marriage ended.

Did you stay in a bad marriage out of fear?

And was one of those fears a concern about being alone? Were you worried that you would never find love again?

Or, if you’re Di-Curious and still in your troubled marriage, is that one of the issues holding you back from getting out?

There’s no denying that that particular fear is real, and it’s scary. But we all have the power to overcome it by doing one thing: changing our attitude.

divorced over 50, dating, sex, gray divorce

This past August, I posted a piece entitled “Dating as a Teenager vs. Dating as an Over 50.” You can read it here on the site, or see what it looked like on Huffington Post. The article explored what men said, thought, and worried about way back in their teens compared to now in middle age. It offered no great insights; it was just written for fun…

In discussion with my mid-20s son Daniel, we came up with a twist on that premise: When it comes to dating and romance now, what differences would a single dad in his 50s encounter compared to his single son in his 20s? In other words, how might it go when a dad and his son sit down to openly compare notes about what’s happening with the women in their lives?

Again, just written for fun. And ladies, feel free to weigh in with some commentary between a single mom and her daughter. But here’s our look at a father/son back-and-forth:

Son: She thinks we’re exclusive, and wants me off Tinder.
Dad: She thinks we’re exclusive, and wants me off carbs.

Yes, we have been a bit heavy with the online dating posts lately. But this is peak dating season, as we’ve just started the New Year, and have Valentine’s Day just weeks away.

So, if you’re in the Thrive phase, and you’re doing online dating, the folks at Grammarly want you to know that good grammar does count. Check out their (not “there” and not “they’re”) handy infographic for more detail.

Have any of you Divorced Over 50 women ever said something along the lines of, “There just aren’t any great guys out there for me to date”?

Or, if you haven’t actually said it, have you thought it? It seems like a pretty widespread sentiment — the kind of thing you hear a lot. The real problem, though, is that when a woman accepts that belief and throws in the towel, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, what if she flipped the script and took control of the situation?

If you’ve been Divorced Over 50 for awhile (whatever your definition of “awhile” might be), do you feel a pressure to start dating? Whether it’s coming from yourself, or friends, or family, are you hearing words like, “Hey, don’t you think it’s time to get back out there?”

The major theme of Divorced Over 50 is, No matter how you came to be DO50, this is your chance to hit the Reset button and move forward into a happy, fulfilling, and exciting life.

But there’s absolutely no requirement that that new life must involve a new relationship. And no requirement to “get back out there.” For some people, staying single is exactly the way they want to go.

Plenty of things about middle-age really suck. Waistlines expand, hair thins, skin sags. And then there’s all that stuff with the nether regions.

If you’re middle-aged and recently became single, issues like those not only affect how you see yourself, they can also impact your search for a new partner. There’s an understandable anxiety about the future, a lack of confidence in yourself, and a very natural inclination to grab on to someone, anyone, so as to not be alone.

This leads to the fairly common situation of a newly divorced person jumping right into another relationship, quite often with someone just like his or her former spouse. Chances are good you could point to a friend or family member who “remarried their ex.”

Rather than fear the effects of time and race to get ahead of them, I’d argue that single Boomers should slow down, embrace their circumstance, and appreciate the great gift that time has given them. A gift that, if used correctly, makes their search for a new partner so much more likely to be fruitful, and result in an excellent match.