Are you ready to start dating? Many Divorced Over 50’s resume dating at some point, though others do not — it’s a personal choice, and you should never feel pressured to date if you don’t want to.
Getting back into dating in your 50’s (or more) can seem daunting. So much has changed. And then, with the natural negativity so many feel after a Divorce, the thought may seem even more scary.
Most relationship experts would tell newly Divorced people to take some time for themselves, and steer clear of any sort of rebound romance right after their split.
In this site’s Roadmap Through a Divorce Over 50, we talk about three steps — Survive, Revive, and Thrive — with new romance being part of the Thrive phase. Though we also say there’s no set time frame for moving through the phases, and that not every step has to be done in a specific order, the feeling here is that a new relationship should probably come later in the process, after working on oneself (which is not to say a new romance is expected or necessary — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not pursuing it again, and no one should feel pressured to do so).
Technology has changed so many aspects of our lives, and dating is no exception.
For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time you dated involved a phone call over a land line, or perhaps a note written on a piece of lined notebook paper.
There’s no doubt that the new technology can make dating much easier, and give you many more opportunities to meet someone. But it would be a mistake to jump into that brave new world without doing some preparation.
Going through a Divorce can be one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Even if you wanted your Divorce Over 50, it’s still a painful process, complete with anxiety, upset, and anger. And if you didn’t want it, it can be absolutely devastating.
But, as we say here all the time, a Divorce Over 50 may not be ideal, but it does give you a chance to hit the reset button, get back to being who you want to be, and move forward into a brighter future. And we’ve outlined three stages of a DO50 — Survive, Revive, then Thrive — and produced our free Roadmap to serve as a guide.
That’s the easy part; the hard part is actually moving forward. You don’t just start feeling better about yourself and your situation — you need to take action to create that better future.
Many Over 50’s work out to keep their bodies healthy and looking good (or, at least as good as possible). Perhaps they run, cycle, take a class, use the machines at the gym, or a combination of those methods. For those who are time-challenged, alternatives exist like the scientific 7 Minute Workout we wrote about in June.
But when it comes to our faces, and trying to keep them as healthy, youthful, and attractive as possible, many Over 50’s just assume their only choice is to see a doctor. Even those who diligently work their below-the-neck muscles believe the only hope for their face is treatments, injections, or even plastic surgery.
But what if you could regain your youthful appearance by simply exercising your facial muscles instead of seeing a doctor? Would’t that be an easier, better, and much less expensive way to go?
The New York Times recently published an article by novelist-philosopher Alain de Botton entitled “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.”
Many Divorced Over 50’s will see that title and think, “That’s not something I will do, it’s something I did do.”
So why bother reading his piece and trying to make sense of it?
Because his arguments should make most of us feel pretty damn good (or at least better) about being Divorced Over 50.
In late April, I offered DivorcedOver50.com users a survey built around two simple questions: What are the best things about being a divorced person over 50, and what are the worst?
Here’s a link to the survey, if you want to check it out or take it.
Not surprisingly, the overwhelming winner for best was “freedom.” And the most common answer for worst was “loneliness.”
I wrote a piece for Huffington Post discussing the loneliness aspect, aimed at the Di-Curious. The premise is that loneliness can be attacked and overcome. And that a Di-Curious person, weighing his or her options, should not be scared off from Divorce due to that specific fear.
For the Divorced Over 50 community, that decision has already been made, whether by you, your ex-spouse, or mutual agreement. Because such a large percentage (including many who wanted the divorce or whose split was mutual) are facing loneliness, it’s important to discuss it on these pages as well.
Many Divorced Over 50’s have come to embrace the new world of online dating. Whether they use a general site like Match or eHarmony, or more specific site like Our Time or Mature Singles Click, it’s clear that online dating is popular among our demographic.
But what about using a dating app? You know, like Tinder? The ones that exist only on your smart phone, and involve swiping left or right on potential dates’ pictures.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that folks Over 50 are using them as well.
If you’ve thought about going that way, here’s an article comparing ten of those currently available. One is particularly intriguing for Divorced Over 50’s — it’s called Divorce Force, and offers articles on Divorce, Divorce news, and Divorce forums, plus more. But check out the full line up offered here. And if you try any of them out, and feel like reporting back, we’d love to hear about your experiences.
I have believed, and written, that it’s best to be honest when putting together your online dating profile.
My thinking has been, if your primary online photo is ten years old, all you’re going to do is disappoint your date when you meet in person. Same thing if you’ve exaggerated or under-reported your height or weight. My belief has been that there’s no recovering from that initial deception.
But what if I’m wrong?
Did you stay in a bad marriage out of fear?
And was one of those fears a concern about being alone? Were you worried that you would never find love again?
Or, if you’re Di-Curious and still in your troubled marriage, is that one of the issues holding you back from getting out?
There’s no denying that that particular fear is real, and it’s scary. But we all have the power to overcome it by doing one thing: changing our attitude.