Valentine’s Day When You’re Divorced Over 50

divorced over 50, gray divorce, valentines day

Valentine’s Day is upon us. How does that make you feel?

For many Divorced Over 50’s, particularly those at the very start of their process, February 14th can be a painful time. It can seem quite strange to be alone on a day that’s all about being part of a loving couple. Although, for those who endured a long, difficult marriage and are happy to be out, their first single V.D. can be a relief, as they no longer have to pretend there’s something to celebrate.

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Technology has changed so many aspects of our lives, and dating is no exception.

For many Divorced Over 50’s, the last time you dated involved a phone call over a land line, or perhaps a note written on a piece of lined notebook paper.

There’s no doubt that the new technology can make dating much easier, and give you many more opportunities to meet someone. But it would be a mistake to jump into that brave new world without doing some preparation.

Great news, guys: At least one woman out there says she’d rather have sex with a man Over 50 than a 25 year old with a tight round butt, firm six pack, and rippling hard muscles.

No, seriously.

That woman, Katherine Ann Forsythe, is a sexuality educator with a specialty in intimacy and aging. And she backs up her assertion in a piece called “Why I’d Rather Sleep with a Man Over 50.”

As you’ll see in her article, she cites a number of reasons why we older guys make better lovers. These include the fact that we’re not in a hurry, we put our partner’s needs first, and we know that intercourse is not the only way to have great sex.

I came across a really important, informative article about Divorce, but I’ve got a bit of a problem with it.

Let me explain.

The article is written by Dr. Karen Finn, for the website Your Tango. Its title is “24 Ridiculous Divorce Lies You Should Never EVER Believe.”

And it does contain lots of great advice for surviving and recovering from your Divorce. But my problem is, I don’t believe anyone would believe all 24 of the “Ridiculous Divorce Lies” that form the premise of her piece. In fact, I don’t believe that most people — no matter their marital status — would believe even half of them. And we Over 50’s, with our life experience and worldliness, would likely believe way fewer.

Seriously, at any point in your life would you have believed “All divorces are basically the same”? Or “Everyone going through a divorce goes through the same emotions in the same order”? Or how about “You should start dating right away”?

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Are you doing online dating? Or might you in the future?

Whether now or later, you’ll obviously want to present the best “you” you possibly can.

But can building yourself up too much, even it’s all true and verifiable, actually make you less attractive, resulting in fewer contacts from potential dates?

by Barry Gold
Posted on
General

Going through a Divorce can be one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Even if you wanted your Divorce Over 50, it’s still a painful process, complete with anxiety, upset, and anger. And if you didn’t want it, it can be absolutely devastating.

But, as we say here all the time, a Divorce Over 50 may not be ideal, but it does give you a chance to hit the reset button, get back to being who you want to be, and move forward into a brighter future. And we’ve outlined three stages of a DO50 — Survive, Revive, then Thrive — and produced our free Roadmap to serve as a guide.

That’s the easy part; the hard part is actually moving forward. You don’t just start feeling better about yourself and your situation — you need to take action to create that better future.

So how did you learn about sex when you were a kid?

Did a parent take you aside for “The Talk”? Or was it an older sibling or friend who clued you in?

And then, how did you supplement your education? Perhaps some furtive reading of your parents’ copy of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, or The Joy of Sex?

Now, as an Over 50, it’s likely you think you know it all about the topic. But here’s the thing: Our bodies have changed, and there is new information we need to take in. Has your knowledge kept up?

Remember how we used to be part of the Pepsi Generation? We were young, energetic, adventurous.

Alas, now we’ve become the Ensure Generation. Chased with shots of Metamucil.

Right?

No! WRONG!!

We are older. Gravity, the sun, and life have changed how we look. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still be attractive. And nothing, repeat nothing, can change how we feel about ourselves. Except us.

Which creates a choice. Consider yourself over the hill and washed up. Or see yourself as still active, interesting, and vital.

I’m gonna go with the latter.

The New York Times recently published an article by novelist-philosopher Alain de Botton entitled “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.”

Many Divorced Over 50’s will see that title and think, “That’s not something I will do, it’s something I did do.”

So why bother reading his piece and trying to make sense of it?

Because his arguments should make most of us feel pretty damn good (or at least better) about being Divorced Over 50.

Many Divorced Over 50’s have come to embrace the new world of online dating. Whether they use a general site like Match or eHarmony, or more specific site like Our Time or Mature Singles Click, it’s clear that online dating is popular among our demographic.

But what about using a dating app? You know, like Tinder? The ones that exist only on your smart phone, and involve swiping left or right on potential dates’ pictures.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that folks Over 50 are using them as well.

If you’ve thought about going that way, here’s an article comparing ten of those currently available. One is particularly intriguing for Divorced Over 50’s — it’s called Divorce Force, and offers articles on Divorce, Divorce news, and Divorce forums, plus more. But check out the full line up offered here. And if you try any of them out, and feel like reporting back, we’d love to hear about your experiences.