What About the Children?

divorced over 50, children, adult children, divorce

Did you stay in your marriage longer than you wanted to “because of the children”? Did you just grit your teeth and stick it out until reaching some milestone, like your youngest leaving for college?

Lots of Divorced Over 50’s did. Whether it was the right thing or not, it’s done. You’re Divorced.

But your concern for your children is as strong as ever. And one of your top priorities for them is, very likely, that they make good relationship choices. After all, they saw your relationship end — you want them to do better. 

Sandy Weiner tackles this issue in her post, “Teaching Children of Divorce to Make Healthy Relationship Choices.”  Weiner, who survived her bad marriage by getting out of her house almost nightly, finally rallied the courage to get a Divorce. And that helped lead to the best relationship she’s ever had with her kids.

Her advice to Divorced parents is to keep the lines of communication open so your children feel free to discuss anything. And when you do find a new relationship (assuming you do), you’ll be a model for them, as they see you in a happy, healthy new situation.

This is taking the philosophy at Divorced Over 50 even a step further, as your success provides a benefit to the next generation. When you come through your Divorce, and get to that brighter future, it’s not only doing you a world of good, you’re also being a role model for your children.

You’re showing them that unexpected, even unwanted, events can happen in life, but it’s possible to work through them and get to a better place. Just your example of battling back to happiness is great for them to see. And if that happiness includes a new partner, because of your growth during your journey, it’s likely you’ll be in a much better relationship now. Seeing you in that far better situation is a great example for them, and will help them make good relationship choices going forward.

You may or may not look back at your marriage as a mistake, but it did produce your children. Successfully moving through your DO50 is certainly good for you, but it’s also good for them.