Whether you wanted your Divorce or not, whether you or your ex drove the process, you likely feel some guilt over the fact it happened. It wasn’t the plan. You feel you let down your kids, your family, your friends.
Guilt just is a part of the Divorce process. The question is, how are you going to deal with it?
That’s the topic Mandy Walker tackles in her blog, Since My Divorce, in a post entitled “How To Overcome The Guilt From Your Divorce.” Walker offers a podcast interview with attorney and Divorce expert Karen Covey, as well as very clear article regarding the topic. Some of the points she makes include:
- Feeling guilt isn’t pleasant, but it’s healthy. It demonstrates your compassion and empathy.
- Don’t ignore your guilt. Suppressing those feelings could lead to unresolved issues later.
- We feel guilt because our values are in conflict. But maybe we picked up those values decades ago, and now they’re no longer operative. For example, you may have grown up believing that marriage is forever. Now, having gotten Divorced, you feel guilty. But what if the value itself was outdated and unrealistic? Examining and reevaluating your values may help you get a handle on, and alleviate, your guilt.
- Don’t overcompensate. Feeling guilty may lead you to accept a bad financial settlement, or other unfavorable terms in your Divorce. You may feel better in the short run, but are going to be very unhappy later on.
Guilt may never fully go away, but it will fade. Both time, and understanding it from a different perspective, will definitely help in your process.
