Which sounds more difficult to you?
Returning to work after a long absence, or resuming dating after not doing it for twenty-five years?
In a really nifty blog post, “Divorcierge” Karen Bigman takes the lessons she learned when returning to work after being a stay-at-home mom, and applies them to getting back into the dating game when her 25 year marriage ended.
Clearly, sex and intimacy are important parts of any relationship.
For Divorced Over 50’s who may be ready to explore new situations, these issues can unfortunately be a source of stress. Our bodies have changed from when we last dated. Age, illness, and surgery can affect both men and women, with women adding menopause to their list.
As a relationship moves forward, it’s important to have open, honest communication with your potential partner about what will, and won’t work for you.
If you’re typical of most Divorced Over 50’s, your ex-spouse was in your life for twenty years, thirty years, or maybe even more.
A chunk of those years may not have been particularly happy. You may have really wanted your Divorce, and are glad to be out. Still, you don’t just instantly “get over” your spouse, someone you once loved and who’s played such a large role in your life for multiple decades.
On the other side, there are plenty of DO50’s who wanted to stay in their marriage. They’re not happy about their Divorce, feeling left behind. For them, moving on from their ex can be more painful and difficult.
And then there are all of those situations in between the two extremes.
Getting over your ex is a vital part of the Revive Stage as you move through your Divorce Over 50.
But the question is, just how do you do that?
Getting divorced is guaranteed to cause pain.
It hurts to realize your plan for the future won’t come true. It hurts to realize your spouse is not who you thought he or she was (and maybe you aren’t, either). It hurts to leave your family home, and to divide the possessions you shared there.
Much of the pain tends to hit both men and women equally.
There is, however, a divorce aspect that’s unequal: In a gray divorce, with a marriage that lasted two decades or more, when it comes to the friends you shared as a couple, the man is going to get hurt.
Do you feel like a failure because you got Divorced?
Many people do. But when you think about it, does that really make sense? Over 50% of the adult population will Divorce. Is it really fair to define a majority result as failure? Over half of Americans will get heart disease — are they all failures?
Still, the notion about Divorce persists in society, and adds even more to the pain of going through one.
Well, we may not be able to change society’s view, but we can change our own.
Did you stay in a bad marriage out of fear?
And was one of those fears a concern about being alone? Were you worried that you would never find love again?
Or, if you’re Di-Curious and still in your troubled marriage, is that one of the issues holding you back from getting out?
There’s no denying that that particular fear is real, and it’s scary. But we all have the power to overcome it by doing one thing: changing our attitude.
This past August, I posted a piece entitled “Dating as a Teenager vs. Dating as an Over 50.” You can read it here on the site, or see what it looked like on Huffington Post. The article explored what men said, thought, and worried about way back in their teens compared to now in middle age. It offered no great insights; it was just written for fun…
In discussion with my mid-20s son Daniel, we came up with a twist on that premise: When it comes to dating and romance now, what differences would a single dad in his 50s encounter compared to his single son in his 20s? In other words, how might it go when a dad and his son sit down to openly compare notes about what’s happening with the women in their lives?
Again, just written for fun. And ladies, feel free to weigh in with some commentary between a single mom and her daughter. But here’s our look at a father/son back-and-forth:
Son: She thinks we’re exclusive, and wants me off Tinder.
Dad: She thinks we’re exclusive, and wants me off carbs.
Everyone familiar with Kegel exercises?
As you likely know, doing Kegels helps maintain pelvic muscle fitness, which is good for bladder and bowel control, as well as sexual function.
But here are two things you may not know: (1) There is actually an organization called the National Association for Continence, and (2) said organization has determined that 40 percent of women are doing their Kegels incorrectly.
We all know that going through a Divorce is an incredibly stressful time.
Your emotions can range from white hot anger to the depths of despair. You have so much to deal with, yet it can feel like there’s barely time to breathe.
You’ve heard that meditation can be helpful, but there’s no way you’ve got an hour to sit cross-legged on a pillow chanting “ooooommmm.”
Did you stay in your marriage longer than you wanted to “because of the children”? Did you just grit your teeth and stick it out until reaching some milestone, like your youngest leaving for college?
Lots of Divorced Over 50’s did. Whether it was the right thing or not, it’s done. You’re Divorced.
But your concern for your children is as strong as ever. And one of your top priorities for them is, very likely, that they make good relationship choices. After all, they saw your relationship end — you want them to do better.