Everyone familiar with Kegel exercises?
As you likely know, doing Kegels helps maintain pelvic muscle fitness, which is good for bladder and bowel control, as well as sexual function.
But here are two things you may not know: (1) There is actually an organization called the National Association for Continence, and (2) said organization has determined that 40 percent of women are doing their Kegels incorrectly.
We all know that going through a Divorce is an incredibly stressful time.
Your emotions can range from white hot anger to the depths of despair. You have so much to deal with, yet it can feel like there’s barely time to breathe.
You’ve heard that meditation can be helpful, but there’s no way you’ve got an hour to sit cross-legged on a pillow chanting “ooooommmm.”
Did you stay in your marriage longer than you wanted to “because of the children”? Did you just grit your teeth and stick it out until reaching some milestone, like your youngest leaving for college?
Lots of Divorced Over 50’s did. Whether it was the right thing or not, it’s done. You’re Divorced.
But your concern for your children is as strong as ever. And one of your top priorities for them is, very likely, that they make good relationship choices. After all, they saw your relationship end — you want them to do better.
Whether you wanted your Divorce or not, whether you or your ex drove the process, you likely feel some guilt over the fact it happened. It wasn’t the plan. You feel you let down your kids, your family, your friends.
Guilt just is a part of the Divorce process. The question is, how are you going to deal with it?
If you’ve spent any time at all looking over this site, you’re well aware of our philosophy regarding a Divorce Over 50:
“It wasn’t the plan, and it isn’t ideal, but my Divorce Over 50 let me hit the reset button, be the person I want to be, and now I’ve moved forward into a bright, exciting future.”
Of course, there’s no requirement to make changes after your Divorce. Maybe you’re perfectly happy with who you are, what you do, and how you live. As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
But many Divorced Over 50’s will want to make some changes. Which brings up an obvious, but no less important, question: How do you go about reinventing yourself?
The conventional wisdom says that when it comes to sex, men respond to visual stimulation, while women need an emotional connection.
Guys are shallow, they want it all the time — give ’em one flash of cleavage and boom, they’re ready to go! On the other hand, women are deeper; they insist on feeling connected, embraced, even loved before they can respond sexually.
You’ve heard stuff like that, right? The woman doesn’t want it, so it’s up to the man to seduce her.
Maybe you experienced that when dating back in your twenties. Perhaps it was even true during your marriage.
But how about now, as a Divorced Over 50? In our situation, does that old way of thinking hold up?
For most of us, the Christmas/Hanukah and New Year’s holidays embody a number of traditions: Spending time with family (while trying to maintain sanity), making resolutions (which never get kept), watching college football bowl games (that are rarely very exciting).
And now, according to industry experts, there’s another seasonal tradition: It kicks off a boom in online dating.
A number of factors contribute to the uptick in online activity. Perhaps the disappointment of being alone over the holidays is inspiration. Some might even make going online a New Year’s resolution. And the cold weather may play a part — it’s only natural to want someone to stay in and cuddle up with.
So, if online dating is part of your plan, are you ready?
Have any of you Divorced Over 50 women ever said something along the lines of, “There just aren’t any great guys out there for me to date”?
Or, if you haven’t actually said it, have you thought it? It seems like a pretty widespread sentiment — the kind of thing you hear a lot. The real problem, though, is that when a woman accepts that belief and throws in the towel, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead, what if she flipped the script and took control of the situation?
So, what New Year’s resolutions did you make this year? The usual, like lose weight? Or maybe go to the gym three times a week? Get more sleep?
What about getting organized? If it wasn’t already on your list, you might want to add it now — which is okay, because everyone knows the resolution grace period is in effect as long as people are still wishing you a happy new year.
Particularly for those of us who’ve going through some struggles (like a Divorce Over 50), removing the physical clutter in our lives can also help us accept change and move forward. In other words, straightening up what’s on the outside can help us fix the mental mess on the inside.
If your Divorce has already worked its way through the court system, this post won’t do you much good (though it will have info you can pass along to others, or keep in mind if your next marriage doesn’t work out, either…)
But if you’re Divorce-Curious, still living together though someone’s leaving soon, or in the initial stages of your split, you will be faced with an important decision: File for Divorce, or start with a legal separation? Different states have different laws, so your location may affect your choices. But if you have an option, there are a number of factors you may want to consider.