We got divorced. That’s a fact.
But there’s also a story of our divorces. It’s what we tell ourselves about it.
So the question arises: Can we change that story, and in so doing change how we feel about it?
Karen Covey is an attorney, mediator, and writer who says the key component is the meaning we attach to our story. For instance, “I’m getting divorced” is a fact. By attaching a meaning like “I’m a loser” to that fact, we’ve written our divorce story. And with a meaning like that, we’re going to be living a very painful story.
In this piece from her site, Karen argues that we’re all the authors of our own life stories. If we can embrace that notion and act on it, we gain the power to re-write our story by changing the meaning we attach to a particular fact. By attaching a different meaning to our divorce — for instance, “I get the chance to start over” — we’ve created a different story, one of optimism and forward looking, rather than of pain and anger. It’s not that this new meaning will suddenly make us feel great about our divorce, but the focus on a positive aspect could help reduce some of the pain.
Karen offers six important tips for rewriting one’s divorce story. Her piece is very much in keeping with the theme of Divorced Over 50 — no matter how you ended up here, you can take control of the situation and come through it better off.