Helping Children of Divorce Have Healthy Relationships

Did you stay in your marriage longer than you wanted to in order to protect your children?  Or are you currently staying in your marriage for that same reason?

You think you’re helping them, but are you really?  Is it possible that a divorce can actually be the best thing for your kids?  

In this article, writer and dating coach Sandy Weiner quotes her divorce mediator as saying, “Children are like the doormen in your building: they see and hear everything.”  She adds that kids can feel the tension, contempt and distance between you and your spouse — no matter how well you think you’re hiding it from them.

In her case, because she felt she had lost so much of herself in her marriage, Sandy says divorce was actually the best thing for her children. After her divorce, she refrained from dating for two years, and promised her kids she wouldn’t introduce them to anyone if it wasn’t serious.  And in her case, it’s all worked out well, as she not only has great relationships with her kids, but sees them in wonderful relationships with their own partners.  Her article is a good read, and includes a short video that adds to the piece.

In my own situation, my plan was to hang in until my youngest graduated from high school, but my ex-wife moved the timetable up on me.  Oh well, it all worked out fine, as both my kids are doing great.

What has been your experience when making this difficult decision?  Do you agree that it’s better to get out of the bad situation, and shut down the toxic environment in which your kids are living? And would you concur that you actually help your kids more when you can model the good relationship that you’ll (hopefully) have with your next partner?